I haven't really added anything to DA for a long time, nor bothered writing in my journal. Go figure. Lot's of things I'd rather not be doing to do.

Just recently however, I saw an argument that prompted me to write a new one. Not for a veiw on that argument, or to pick some sort of side (after all, in THAT specific one, I don't think either side is correct in full unfortunately.) No, it just made me think of the whole reason I do this 'Internet' thing anyway.

The place where I study is in the South-Western section of the United Kingdom, known as Cornwall. I live in a small town known as Falmouth. Very peaceful, lmost depressingly boring. However, as sonn as I could get on the Internet, I found myself less bored in this enviroment, and started to engage in converstaions and meeting area's online.

Why is the thing. I am not going to go into a long explanation that paint's me out as some sort of victem. I've been doing that for too long, so I think being honest would help here. I'ma bit paranoid of other people in the place I live. I have been bullied, yes, over a long period of time. No 'Woe to me' here. But it has left me scared of the reactions of other people to my look's and personality. And as such, I seek the Internet as a place of solace down to the simple belief that due to an abscence of 'Self' I can talk and meet in situations where looks, voice, physical perspective is rendered meaningless.

However, as I discovered after some conversations with my Dad, after becoming unhealthily obssesed with the Internet, which almost got far to out of hand, that I myself seek to use the Internet as a form of 'Shelter' from reality. I find friend's here, and prefer to talk with them, instead of engaging with people here (who, I should point out, aren't exactly friendly to someone with long hair and quite odd looking in terms of appearence. Cornwall itself isn't exactly filled with a large amount of 'different' people,of different shape's, size's, hair colours, sking colours, etc, and as such is almost adverse to difference in any shape or form.) However, I still would not simply turn my computer off and abandon it. I still refuse to today. I see no reason to. Some people I have met on the Internet (Two in particular, who are very special to me) are incredibly nice, friendly, guiding, and always willing to help me. And of course, others are mean spirited, quick temepered, harsh, rude, ignorant..the list is too long to iterate here and bore you with. My point is simply that I would not lose my friend's here for the world. The 'reality' of the relationships, which seem's to be what people take an issue with, is that they don't perceive it s real from simply their veiw looking at me, because I have no 'hysical' attachment. Well, surely friendship isn't a physical thing in any way? I know that hugging, smiling to each other, sharing a cjoke between you two, three or however many you are is something I would wish. But friendship is about the bond between you two, and how well you know and trust each other. I find that distance is not a factor if the friendship is strong. Of course it cn be hard sometimes, be it a friend or your other half, when they are far, far away (on both those, I speak from experience) but if you have the will to try and always make the effort to help the other and share your feelings with them, then I think you are doing everything right that make's a friendship work.

In the end, I also remembered that something a long while back happened between me and a group of people who I was friendly with online, after I found someone to share my feelings with online. Her name is Kat, someone I love dearly. I wish to see her every day I'm here, but she lives so far away. In Texas...I can't hold her. Hug her, cup her cheek, kiss her. It, and I am not overdramatising, hurts. Because I see other couples doing this, and I feel like I can't provide her with that. The constraints of my education, and where I live can't let me go there, see her..and no money is a factor as well. But I am simply digressing, so back to the focus. Kat herself was a friend with this group of people, or at least was. Until an incident with an old friend made everyone turn on her (I will not go into detail here, suffice to say, it was in no way pleasent) while she was basically innocent. Wether this is a niave judgement on my part (We are always prepared to defend people we care about BEFORE looking at evidence shown to us. It's reflexive.) However, she told me to keep calm and let her handle it. I did, but stil managed to argue at these people, some firiends I had made and enjoyed talking to for week's, and damaging friendships. I did my best afterward to repair them, after Kat told me the whole story. I still don't blame her (again, naivety, or simply trust? I know what I believe) but I hated seeing what I had done, and what had eresulted from the arguing. While this may sound like a lame 'Oh noes, if you argue, you kill friendship, nuu' rubbish, I'm not trying to convince anyone of that. If someone says something wrong, you seek out, and rectify that mistake. I nearly lost the best friend I know through personal idiocy and behaviour bordering on suicidal. But I will never lose her. I will never let myself do that.

In the end, the best we can do when confronted with an argument where we think the other person's wrong is simply either confront them clamly, and try and convince them of the innocen e either using evidence you have, or with your own belief, or take a step back yourself and get a look at the larger picture. In the end, whatever happen's, I wish anyone wwho end's up in that situation the best. And hope that they don't end up losing something precious to them they didn't wish to lose.

I promise, next time, more cheery subject matter. ^^